A reader writes in to say Mary Alice needs a raise. Her reply is, of course, darn straight. The gang is out to a tattoo parlor this week. Mary’s getting a bird with a little banner in it’s mouth that reads “Quite Contrary.” Apparently that joke didn’t bother her as much in high school as it did my mom. Duff threatens to get a flaming whisk – people ask him what he does, he’s a baker. Everyone knows Duff is the hardest-core baker that ever was, right?

So, in the weekly cake lineup, we have a row house cake for an 80 year old woman’s birthday – birthday girl has a prominent fondant-fig on the porch (it’s like a lego mini-fig, only in fondant.) There’s a replica of the Steel Magnolias armadillo, only in an EMT uniform. There is a duck-hunting cake for a hunter with little dangling fondant ducks. Awesome.

I love the new intern, the kid? Duff scolds him, “You whine, you’re sassy, and you lack moral fiber.” His response? “Yeah, well – you’re full of antioxidants.” Oh. Kay then, I don’t have a comeback for that. No, really, what do you say to that?

Elaine gets the armadillo cake, since she did such a spectacular job with the insult beaver last week. However, she is given ears that are toooooo big. So a lobotomy, some wood, and a power tool or four later, the ears are in, and they could be six feet tall and they probably still wouldn’t be too big. It ends up spectacular. Elaina could probably open up her own shop, she’s so good. Just so long as they stuck to weird quadrupeds, right?

Geof’s dog, Cotton, is beautiful. He’s out with her, taking pictures of row houses for Shirley’s birthday cake. He figures Geof, from the West Coast, will fail it otherwise.

It’s time for the tattoo! They’re all off to the Baltimore Tattoo Museum, and we can see if Duff is just talking big on that flaming whisk. (In an interlude, the duck-hunting cake is HUGE)

There is a whisk. It’s definitely not on fire. Duff, I am so dissappointed. Unless, of course, you have to come back and get the fire later. But right now, very disappointed. Whisk needs to be on fire! Elaina’s is huge, and I can’t quite tell what of. It’s very psychedelic, though. The bird is very pretty – and Mary repeatedly states that she’s terrified her father now hates her, or some such.

The row house cake is beautiful, and of course, it busts on the way to the place of consumption. Geoff is having breakfast and there’s a phone call, the roof has fallen off and his services are urgently required. (It’s like Cake: Impossible!) He’s off to fix the cake. Being Geof, of course, he fixes it – much to the awe of the kid who asks with emergency-room-like fear, “Is it bad?” It’s Geof, kid. Your gramma’s cake is safe.